I'm that bridge jumping friend your mother warned you about.
This describes my entire texting relationship with everyone
(via dutchster & organmeat)
SO I ACTUALLY DID THIS A FEW MONTHS AGO AND I DIDNT EVEN THINK THEY LOOKED AT THIS SORT OF THING SO BY THE TIME THE DELIVERY MAN CAME I HAD FORGOTTEN THAT I WROTE THAT AND THE GUY WAS REALLY CUTE. WHEN I OPENED THE DOOR HE WAS SUPER FLUSTERED AND DROPPED HIS PEN, THE BAG HOLDING THE PIZZA AND THE RECEIPTS. THEN after i signed the receipt and he was getting ready to leAVEEEE HE GOES “So… umm… did you actually put that?” and i was like “put what?” and he goes “… to.. um… tell you.. um that you’re pretty” omg it hit me that this was why he was all nervous and i started cracking up omfg then he told me that i was pretty.
i did this once but when the guy came to the door I sent my friend Martin to get the pizza and I heard muffled laughter and then Martin came back into the room with the pizza and whispered “he told me I was pretty”
(via laughinguntilithurts & kallesdemos)
lifes too short to pretend to hate pop music
(via orgasmic-humor & psiioniic)
wtf did i just watch
(via laughinguntilithurts & human)
Oh, Mr. Biden!
im inventing time travel just to sit on that…
I never thought I’d say that I wanted Joe Biden to touch me
(via zackisontumblr & shebegb)
When my mom gives me the phone to talk to my relatives
(via dutchster & excluhsive-deactivated20140601)