I'm that bridge jumping friend your mother warned you about.
when you lean forward in the car the seatbelt is like “WAIT TOO FAST I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO DIE” like aw someone cares about me
(via dutchster & dutchster)
my roommate is 2 days younger than me so i’ve gotten into the habit of saying “when i was your age..” and then describing what i did 2 days ago
(via dutchster & pishposhspice)
Not even pregnant, just eatin’ good
(via laugh-til-ya-fart & cyberho)
when ur mom comes into ur room and u have to pretend that u are studying quick
(via jesuschristvevo & kimjimwoo)
FUN FACT: These eggs are evil. Octopus babies are evil. Let me tell you why. The octopus mother lays her eggs in a cave roof and spends 6 months guarding them from potential predators and swaying the eggs with her tentacle so they get oxygen. This means she doesn’t eat or sleep until they hatch. When the octopus babies hatch, she dies from fatigue and starvation. THEN THEY FUCKING EAT HER. THEY EAT THEIR MOTHER WHO DIED BECAUSE SHE WAS LOOKING AFTER THEM. THEY. EAT. HER.
this sounds like what my mother said i did to her
(via tyleroakley & malformalady)